Last September, Chrissy Teigen and John Legend revealed they lost their third child, son Jack, due to pregnancy complications in the second trimester.
Since then, the model has detailed the grief she's endured, and in an Instagram post on September 18, she got candid about the fact that her body still hasn't recovered from the ordeal.
"It’s really weird when you lose a baby and your body gets paused in time. usually you’d gain your 'yumyums I’m praaaagnant!' weight, then put on the weight of your little bebe. Then, ideally, you’d have your baby," the 35-year-old star stated in the caption of a mirror selfie. "And you would feed it from your boobs and your body would know to charge through and do what it does to get you back into fighting shape, whatever that may be, for however long it takes."
However, since she lost Jack "halfway through," her body has reacted differently than it did after she gave birth to daughter Luna, 5, and son Miles, 3.
"Your body just pauses. It has nothing to do. No one to feed. And you’re just…stuck. Stuck with saggy boobs that were prepping to be milk bags, a belly that was ready to bake," the cookbook author explained. "I would be lying if I said this did not majorly suck. Not only are you ummmm extremely, diabolically sad at what could have been, but you have this daily reminder every time you look in the goddamn mirror."
Teigen ended her emotional post by insisting that she's not concerned about her weight — she just needed to air out her feelings.
"I don’t really have a big ending or positive words lol. And don’t say nice things!! I know I know I promise," she concluded. "I know it’s not everything and I know i’m suuuuuch a badass and blah blah blah I just thought I’d be emo for a minute ok! I love you. f**k a scale!"
Last month, the Deal or No Deal alum realized that she never "fully processed" losing her third child, explaining she distracted herself by producing her third cookbook, Cravings: All Together. She also used alcohol to "numb" her grief, but in December, she decided to get sober.
Confessed the star, "I guess what I’m saying here is life is so f**king complicated."