Colbert Turns One of Trump’s Health Insecurities Into a Brutal New Nickname

Stephen Colbert turned President Donald Trump's bruised hand into a new late-night nickname after Trump and Chinese President Xi Jinping shared a prolonged handshake during a state visit to Beijing.

The Late Show host mocked the exchange after footage showed Xi greeting Trump, 79, on the steps of the Great Hall of the People. The two leaders shook hands for 14 seconds before starting bilateral talks, according to The Daily Beast.

Colbert called the moment “an inspiring display of hyper-masculine hand dominance” before shifting to Trump’s health and the visible bruising on the president’s hands in recent months.

“Xi better be careful. If he touches Trump for too long, he might catch a case of five-day-old banana hand,” Colbert said.

The joke referred to bruising on Trump’s hands, which has drawn attention at several public events. The White House has said the marks come from frequent handshaking and Trump’s aspirin use, according to The Daily Beast.

Colbert also narrated the handshake as it played for viewers.

“OK, moving in. Normal shake, little hand pat. OK, that seems like enough. If you love something, let it go. OK… a hand pat again. And and and… break!” Colbert said. “There you go, phew. I’m exhausted just watching it.”

The bruising has become a recurring late-night target as comedians focus on Trump’s age, health, and public appearances. Trump has dismissed health speculation, and the White House has defended his energy and schedule.

White House spokesman Davis Ingle responded to Colbert’s latest segment in a statement to The Daily Beast, calling the host “a pathetic trainwreck with no talent and terrible ratings.”

“Which is exactly why CBS canceled his show and is booting him off the airwaves,” Ingle said.

Ingle previously told the outlet that Trump is “the sharpest, most accessible, and energetic president in American history.” He also mentioned that Trump “meets more Americans and shakes their hands on a daily basis than any other President in history.”

Colbert’s jab came during a tense time for The Late Show. CBS announced it would end the program after Colbert criticized Paramount, the network’s parent company, over its settlement of Trump’s lawsuit against CBS.

Colbert described the $16 million settlement as a “big fat bribe.” CBS stated that the decision to end the show was “purely a financial one.”

This decision has become a frequent topic on Colbert’s show, with the host and his guests repeatedly taking shots at CBS and Paramount as the final episode approaches.

Trump has also celebrated Colbert’s exit. The president previously wrote on Truth Social that he “absolutely” loved that Colbert was losing his show, continuing a long-running feud between the two men.

The Beijing visit marked Trump’s first state visit to China since 2017. Xi described the visit as “historic” and said the leaders had established “a new positioning for the constructive strategic and stable relationship” between the United States and China, according to The Daily Beast.

Trump called the trip “very successful, world-renowned, and unforgettable.”

Colbert’s segment focused less on the diplomatic stakes and more on the optics of the handshake, which gave the host a fresh way to mock a topic that has followed Trump during public appearances for months.

The nickname added another sharp line to Colbert’s final run on CBS, where the host has continued to target Trump, the White House, and his own network before The Late Show signs off.